You are viewing paranoiddork

21 July 2010 @ 11:22 am
So I just came here to post something, and a little window popped up asking if I'd like to "restore saved draft?" And apparently, saved draft reads:

"I have never felt withdrawal more strongly than".

THAN WHAT??? I am dying to know.

But seriously, I'm here only because I heard LJ is going to delete journals that haven't been used in years, and it'd be a damn shame if I lost all the garbage I wrote daily in high school and college.

I got chills of embarassment by reading the latest three or four entries I wrote, dating back to my senior year of college. Winding back to high-school entries might beget a need for anti-freeze.
07 May 2008 @ 05:32 pm
Yesterday was my last day of classes for... a while. My last English class happened to also be the last class for the professor (a legend in the department and actually in pretty much the entire school) until Fall 2010 and it was the first time I've ever seen the awkward clap-at-the-end-of-the-last-day-of-class thing not be awkward but actually really amazing. I turned in 21 pages for that class today, after which I made a few hand rolleds and parked myself outside for a couple of hours.

Sooo, 25 pages by Sunday, a few more pages onto what is currently 30 pages by Monday, and that's that. I have been awake until at least 5 a.m. each night for the last six or seven, when not for working for partying. Those nights have made me realize that I'm actually going to really miss the simplicity of life in Maine. Yeah, it sucks having only a 7-11 open after 11 p.m., but it's actually charming in a way; it makes it something special. I know that makes basically no sense, but it's a feeling (related in no small way to the fact that I have only 3 more weeks in Maine and then I'll be moving to Manhattan).
15 February 2008 @ 08:34 pm
I have 100 days left as an undergraduate student.
As a second semester senior, I honestly can't believe I'm a fucking history major. Who the fuck would have thought.
...but I think Lily Allen's "Smile" ( is the ideal breakup song (and music video, too!). Then again, I think anything Lily does is amazing, so maybe I'm a little biased. But seriously, I bought her debut CD the other day and it's incredible.
Today I slept until 4 p.m. after going to bed at 2:30 a.m. I'd say, though, that I was in a half-asleep, daydreaming-ish phase from about 11 a.m. until I finally got out of bed. I remember first waking with a huge huge huge urge to listen to the chorus of that popular Jonas Brothers song (s.o.s. is the title, I think...) which is not only sad but a bit troubling when you think about it (as in, how do sad urges like that get into my head, and why do they surface only when I'm semi-conscious?).

Anyway. Yesterday I plodded from bed at 7 fucking a.m. to proctor a practice SAT in Newton, and then I went into Boston for the first time in ages in order to see Tina, freshly home from a semester in Athens! Much food, bubble tea, and Starbucks was involved. I have recently developed an obsession with hipstery zip-up hoodies that have complex designs on them, so buying at least one was my goal for the day. After going up and down Newbury once and then through a slew of other stores in Downtown Crossing, I couldn't find a single one that I REALLY wanted to drop the necessary money on (these fuckers can get pricey - I guess I shouldn't have based my expectations on the $10 thinger I once found on the clearance rack at Urban Outfitters). So after walking everywhere and feeling very disappointed, we decided to head home, but Tina had to go to the bathroom before we got back on the subway, so we went back to Macy's. While I was poking around, I found EXACTLY what I was looking for (more or less) and almost peed my pants. (That story sounded cooler in my head, I swear.)

Anyway. This break is shaping up to be almost legitimate and productive. I'd been desperate for some relatively noncommittal, laidback, but worthwhile part-time work, and fortunately, the magazine I interned for this summer called me back for a week-long fact-checking stint, which fits my needs/desires perfectly. I was almost considering TEMPING again, and if that's not scraping the bottom of the barrel, I don't know what is.

Anyway. ANYWAY. My hands are getting too cold to type quickly so I'm going to go turn the heat up and probably plop myself on the couch with a bunch of magazines and even more tea. MY NIGHTLIFE IS SO THRILLING.
17 December 2007 @ 02:00 am
Last night, I crammed like all hell for my French Revolution final, tried sleeping, but was kept awake by thoughts of friends and life and such. You know, the usual. So I took my final this morning after 2 cups of coffee and 4 hours of sleep, then napped from 1 in the afternoon until dinner at 6. Actually, that's a lie, because I was drunk at dinner, so I actually woke up earlier than 6, but I forget the actual time. Then was a lot of dancing and music and a long walk off campus to a party in a cold apartment, followed my a longer and colder walk back. And here I am, almost sober!

I guess that means it's time for a end of the year memeCollapse )
12 December 2007 @ 12:07 pm
I was scrolling through a couple of my recent entries and noticed that one of the most very recent is a rather dramatic entry about October 1. Not only did reading this make me feel lame, it made me feel like time is going by way too quickly because October 1 was so effing long ago but I quite vividly remember writing the stupid entry.

Anyway, I'm obviously procrastinating. I'm almost done with my last paper of the semester (!!) after careening through a 25 pager last night, and this current paper is seriously one of the worst things I've ever written. I'm normally horrible at analyzing poetry, and I normally detest Romantic poets, so therefore, this paper analyzing Romantic poetry is somewhat painful. Good news, though, being that I just sold back four dinky little books I bought for my other English class, and I expected to get literally 50 cents back for each of them but I ended up getting 18 dollars total. That's like, four trips to Starbucks! Or almost a half of a tank of gas!

At this point, I just want 4:30 p.m. to roll around so I can be "officially done" with this paper regardless of its merit. And then I can go to the annual holiday dinner and sit and stuff my face for three hours and probably cry about how of my two best friends in the world are leaving Bowdoin forever as of next week. People shouldn't be allowed to graduate early. It leaves overly sensitive friends like me quite saddened.
25 November 2007 @ 11:59 pm
Senior spring =

English 252 - Empire of Feeling: 19th Century American Literature w/ Coviello, TTh 1-2.25
History 267 - African Environmental History w/ Gordon, TTh 2.30-3.55
History 311 - Experiments in Totalitarianism: Nazi Germany and Soviet Russia w/ Herrlinger, W 1-3.55
Women's Studies 218 - Sex and Socialism: Gender and Political Ideologies of the 20th Century w/ Ghodsee, TTh 10-11.25

I'm inordinately excited about the potential (more like inevitable) overlap between the Germany/Russia class & Sex and Socialism; I love studying socialism and Nazis and I've been dying to take a women's studies class, and this will be my first (and last), so wooo. I literally stumbled upon Sex and Socialism the night before registration and I had been searching (in vain) for a worthwhile, potentially mind expanding social science class and the description and online professor reviews seemed perfect and somehow I got in...!!! And on top of that, no classes on Monday or Friday, and earliest start time = 10 a.m. I'M SO EXCITED!!! THIS IS GOING TO BE AMAZING! I had a panic attack yesterday because Bearings said that each of these four classes was closed until add/drop but actual schedules weren't yet posted, so since I couldn't check my own schedule I assumed I wouldn't get into a couple. BUT NOPE.

Anyway, I was home for literally one and a half days this break, which severely limited my whole "forget about school and try to hang out with people" plan. Furthermore, being back at school so soon after anticipating, for weeks, a seemingly legitimate break feels unsettling. But I just did a lot of laundry and put away a bunch of new clothes I bought on sale this weekend and cleaned up my room a bit and all this is energizing me to struggle against the mound of work I allowed to accumulate in the weekds leading up to "break." Does any of this make sense? Probably not.

So in sum: clean your room and hang up your clothes (it'll make you feel better about life) and begin the countdown to senior spring!
12 November 2007 @ 06:37 am
I'm not even going to evade this one: whoever invented adderall is a fucking genius and should win the Nobel Prize. I did not think it were physically possible to be this awake, alert, lucid, and coherent on such little sleep. Obviously not a healthy or sustainable lifestyle, but you know, the occasional work-related crisis needs to be dealt with SOMEhow.

In other news, I've noticed that (1) I have never had so many consistently amazing weekends as I have had this year, and (2) my grades have never been as on-thin-ice as they are now. Correlation? Whatever. It's senior year. And I think that if I've learned anything during my freshman, sophomore, or junior year, it's... not to sound cliche, but grades don't count as much as those fuckheads in high school wanted you to think.

This weekend has seriously renewed my lease on life. Booze cruise. Highly concentrated and effective bursts of schoolwork. Good sex. Peppermint hot chocolate at Starbucks. (I know they serve it year-round if you ask for it, but it's so much more incredible and enjoyable when it comes in a red cup dotted with snowflakes.) And getting paid to play Eine Kleine Nachtmusik (sp? haha, pathetic) on repeat. I win!